Achieving what one desires!
I am now starting to understand the conundrum and seeing the difference why some people are endowed with progress, prestige, opportunity, wealth, happiness, fulfillment or relationships. Why some live an enriched life and others don’t? Why is it so that when they touch their hands everything turns to gold whilst for some others it turns into a disaster? Most readers would be somewhere living the less than perfect life. They would like to know why is it so, if you are among those you would like to change the situation immediately and would like to live a deep meaningful, prosperous and enriched life.
This document is a working draft that I envisage to update to help others who are on a similar journey and are equally intrigued and challenged.
We, the humans exist in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels and our achievements are often seen and measured in physical levels.
Our physical well being is impacted by our emotions, our emotions or how we feel is driven by our thoughts, the energy levels impact our feelings and thoughts. Our feeling of gratitude, thankfulness, meditation and practice of a righteous path that aligns itself with us is vital for the outcomes we want to achieve.
Whilst the wealth, success or whatever we innately desire surrounds and flows all around us in this universe, it has less to do with “what we do” and more with “who we are” or “who we are becoming”.
We attempt to change the outcomes purely by making and effort however less do we know it has to do with “who we are”. By changing who we are, makes the difference.
Strangely enough, who we are is not defined by us either, it is defined by others. In the family of thieves an honest man will feel guilty. We have an urge to belong and that belongingness makes us feel safe and loved.
That simply means our identity stays in conflict, between who we are and what we are trying to achieve and so do the outcomes.
This art and science of introduction has changed in the few thousand years of human evolution and forgotten ( around the period Rig Veda was written it was well evolved) When we introduce ourselves to others we do not introduce ourselves as who we are, we are not trained rather programmed to do so. We merely focus on what we do, what problems we solve and how we can sell that concept to solve someone’s problem and make more money. It misses the key point of defining who we are.
In the transactional relationship with universe we look for answers like money, love, happiness that transcend beyond us and our lives. We still ignore to take into consideration this glaring inconsistency.
Thousands of years ago the relationships with metaphysical objects which may be knowledge, safety, power were vested in deities 33 million of them it was not a random choice but to improve our relationship with certain aspect of life we focus on the relationship we would have. We knew that thoughts could become things. We would get what we focused on thousands of years ago. We have learnt how to manifest the energy in the universe into 33 million forms. It also helped us create an understanding that the universe offers more than one form of energy that we can bow to and consider as supreme. Best example of this can be sighted from a person who goes to a temple where there are multiple deities bow’s to one and then bow’s to another. In the modern day world people find it difficult to embrace the better of all possible religions for their own betterment as from early childhood their brains are trained to accept only one deity as supreme others are secondary. Besides the 33 million Gods and Goddesses the inhabitants of this planet, particularly in the Indian subcontinent have firmly believed in and still continue to believe in what we call “Kul Devata” God of the clan. Someone who is connected to the genetic material of the clan to protect, preserve, promote, propagate and produce.
We come across people who do not believe in anything but a certain God ( or a religion) or often confused. The challenge again is we are programmed that way. In most cases we adopt the religion we are born in and consider it the best. So much so that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for the beliefs that are dumped upon us by generations or even civilisations past, without questioning their relevance or significance of our purpose in life.
We want and need outcomes super fast (the ones we want), but our identity keeps our “being” in a frame of reference defined by others (what they thing we may want).
To make the sift the sense of being or the identity has to be transformed, manoeuvred and reprogrammed. It is painful because we will resist being someone who we are not. That said we forget who we are is not defined by us either.
I am told one can read and understand the books, however to “get” it one has to learn it like swimming, learn it step by step. By bringing transformative changes in self.
Once the “self” is transformed the outcomes become congruent the the definition of self
Now to transform one’s identity it has to be simultaneously at all levels of existence. Radical shifts may not always be possible as our brains hardwiring needs changing, so incremental steps in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels are needed starting from spiritual. Our essence of who we are is energy and spirit.
The starting point
Before you set out to transform yourself you need to take a deeper dive in yourself and understand who you are? where are you coming from? and where you are heading.
Who am I?
This question can be looked at multiple levels
Am I the elements that this body is made up of ? ( Seven humours all the cells and physical bits also can be termed as “Rupa”) The cells in your body die and are replaced regularly. Even if all the cell in your body are replaced that is still you.
Am I the sense organs? (hearing, touch, sight, taste, smell also known as “Vedana”)
Am I the cognitive sense organs ? (speech, motion, excretion, grasping, procreation, perception or “Samjna”)
Am I the consciousness or awareness or “Vijnana”? Those are perhaps your thoughts but not you,
Am I the mind that thinks or imprint of things “Sankhara“?
Am I the role I play? the father, the mother, the uncle, the brother, a teacher, a student, a passenger on a plane occupying a seat?
Am I the the breath?
Am I God? अहं ब्रह्मसमी As if I don’t exist the existence of God does not hold any relevance so existence of God depends on me? Perhaps it is the existential feeling that you have inside you relates to Who am I.
These are amalgamated into an individual being to create a whole, but they themselves are constantly changing.
The answer to one’s own identity may be deeper however you have to discover it for yourself. You will find it challenging and confronting that nothing you think is yours belongs you. Not even your identity. Your name was perhaps given by your parents or family. Your Loved ones may call you by a different name. Your religion was what you were exposed to or born in. The wealth circumstantial based on on the actions of previous generations or by yourself.
Your first step to transforming yourself is gaining an understanding of who you are? You have to go through the structured process of finding this out. No one can find it for you however you will need help in the process to understand.
Though a deeper introspection will be helpful however to achieve the desired life goals you need to focus on the relevant elements or your identity. How do you know what elements to pick so that they are relevant - reflection, introspection and feedback from a coach. Coach may not be someone who knows the entire path or destination only few steps ahead in the journey may be suffice and they you will need to find a different coach or guru.
What is my ideal Self?
What is the difference between my current self and my ideal self? What are my strengths that can carry over and weaknesses that I need to overcome? Is this a realistic expectation? This has two aspects one for yourself and other for the world. In the aspect that you have for the world will have multiple versions of you for each of your external relationships.
How do I confront my current self to shift to ideal self? Are the gaps realistic to be filled, is there a support framework for the transition.
How do I stage the shift? Define yourself as a person at various time intervals of life? Define what your vision is for the future - Live, Love, Learn, Legacy,
How do I measure the outcome? What are the different yardsticks you can define to measure the outcome. In this human engineering process the way you will expect to measure the new you will have roots in who you are.
Am I the role I am serving?
A mother may identify her role as a care giver for her child. Child may identify himself as a student or a teacher’s role to teach. However even when mother stops caring for the child or when the child stops studying or teacher stops teaching they still still remain. They also have multiple roles in life and they all exist beyond the roles they serve so the sense of “I” extends beyond the role.
Here is a trap
Speak to a successful person, they will tell you it is about hard work and this will emerge as a persistent theme. Chances are you are less likely to interview or get response from a person who will say, I was born in a very rich family, everything was well established, I did not have to do much, it was all laid out for me. Truth is there are significant number of people on this planet for whom things are well laid out however it may be self deprecating if they told the truth. Hence you find the message constantly being portrayed of hard work. It is pretty much like climbing the ladder which ensuring it is up against the right wall. You can chose a wall, climb up or change the wall. You may end up changing lots of walls till you find the right one. Sometimes having someone that can guide you is helpful.
I love watching Roger Federa play and winning speeches. They are truly masterpieces where he does give credit to luck. A random probability event whose likelihood can be increased by hard work and right effort. (samyak) . His masterful practice has played a key part to his success.
What helps and why and what doesn’t and why not
Sometimes we find that people we know, love or care about are fallen from the position and they are circumstantially challenged. the above graph tends to depots the perspective I have on the scenario. You can’t help them with money as it does not fix the problem. No amount of preaching or reading books will provide them with any help as their context is different. Hence you will find that affirmations and positive thinking fails to have an impact. It is akin to saying don’t think about the pink elephant ( or the big problem in your life) guess what are they thinking about, the pink elephant. They cannot be helped by someone who has not faced challenges on their own as the context will again be different. I have seen entrepreneurs flock around a successful entrepreneur to learn all the lessons they have to share, which is great. but at the same time they may not be relevant for you as the context of their journey may not apply to the path you are on. You would rather have someone who has experienced similar challenges or at least be aware and appreciative of your challenges to guide you in the right direction. You can buy the best book on swimming on the planet but it will never make you a champion, you need a coach who will understand you and then guide you to be your level best to become a champion.
When you are born the race of life is over, the journey begins. However the race is so deeply ingrained in our make up that we continue on this path and everything becomes a race. We compare ourselves with others in whatever terms we possibly can forgetting the very fundamental rule that life is a journey. We win because we continue to improve upon who we are
Think of this as if we improved ourselves just by one percent a day we would be 1.01^365 = 37.8 times better of by the end of the year.
Versus
If we slack out just by one percent a day we would be 0.99^365 = 0.03 , or there won’t be much left of us by the end of the year.
What financial support does not work?
Giving money to poor, needy and downtrodden is a marvellous gesture but it does not work for them or the donors. It does work for the middlemen but only redistributes wealth without changing in social outcomes. It perpetuates the cycle. You would have noticed that poverty and destitution transcends generations. It is the mental and emotional cycle of dependence that leads to ill health and physically challenged beings whose life spans are generally shorter. It is very difficult to break out of this cycle. Even if you financially support them, they will splurge in food, clothes or shelter or anything associated with these primary needs and then life will fall back on to the impoverished levels. World bank suggests that an increase in education expenditure by 1 point of GDP (eg from 4.5% to 5.5%) increases GDP growth by 0.9 percentage points (eg from 4.5% to 5.4%). There are innumerable studies available to suggest that education eliminates poverty.
Why lottery winners don’t change?
Some of those who had a windfall are usually found to be in a similar or not much different situation down the track. Primary reason, their circumstances changed but they were not able to change themselves. For any change to be lasting the inner and outer change to be in sync. We somehow look to solve the problems externally however the solution to all our challenges have an equal internal game. We had a cleaning lady who is now retired. One day in the conversations it was revealed that she owns assets that would put some of the rich listers to shame. She won a jackpot in early 70’s and kept investing in properties. Net result was that she was super rich when it came to assets. She did not change her life-style for the fear of theft and likely greed that her may exhibit. Though she forced herself to continue to live the same life that she had been living before but the real reason is that she was not able to change herself with the money that she owned.
Why genuine advice from well meaning friends does not help
Weather you are an entrepreneur, a business person or an expert in your own field, unless you are seeking professional advice from an expert, the advice that you get will be based on someone’s life journey and circumstances. When you seek advice from someone two key things happen. You automatically put yourself in the receiving position which when put in energy terms at a lower energy position and accept the context of the provider of information. Remember the provider of information or advice is at a completely different physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. You have put yourself emotionally subservient. When you seek help from professionals, it is matched by a transaction or fee for service. This helps you maintain the position of power. You would have noticed that people who live of dole or government hand me down often are unable to break the cycle of dependence.
Why advice from ultra successful people does not help sometimes
When you seek advice from ultra-successful people or watch the videos, there is a hope that you will be able to transform your life similar to them. Often it does not happen as there is a big gap between they identity and yours and there is a big gap to be covered. Even if you are exposed to an identical environment your circumstances need to shift or you will continue to be treated as a poor cousin on Christmas dinners.
What goes around comes around ? is it true that world is a reflection of ourselves?
The world creates an illusion of choice - books you read, schools you study in, family you are born in, friends you make ( interaction) movies you watch, stuff you buy in supermarkets. Lot of choice when it comes to newspapers, magazines, tv, radio or media in general but when you dig deeper you will notice that there are only small number of corporations behind it. Lots of car brands have a fewer companies behind them. Schools you go to is based on where you live or can live, afford, family track record or achievements ( at times of parents) where you are likely to come across cohorts from similar backgrounds. Repeat interactions with the people around you will help you create life long friendship however similar mindset will perpetuate and reinforce. Exceptions will always be there sowing the seeds of alternate paths. You will find that the weirdo’s are the ones that will make a difference because they sometimes don’t believe in fitting in.
What we read: While reading a book we relate to something we agree on or it resonates with me. So often you may not end up buying a book that may not resonate with you so if you are wrong about some issue you are likely to pick up ideas that are already incorrect reinforcing your beliefs and continuing you on your lost path. How do you know an idea is right or wrong. If everything is experiential then you could be measuring it all wrong as you have defined your identity with others perspective?
Paradigm of more, just more!
At a bigger and broader level it has to do with:
Physical transformation: what you do- exercise, eat, where you go, what you hear, see ( what you feed the body and senses), if you sleep to energise yourself, your relationship with the physical universe.
We use our bodies in a certain way from walking, brushing teeth, combing hair, driving car and so on. Initially we have to think about each and every step along the way. Eventually they become routine and we can perform such actions without thinking. If we abuse our bodies by consuming substance that is not desirable or needed we get used to them so much so we automate ourselves. This could be putting candy in our mouth, drinking alcohol or sugary drink when we are thirsty.
At a physical level our bodies are made up of organs, organs are made up of cells, cells are made up of molecules and molecules are made up of atoms. Atoms that are the elementary blocks of matter which can be completely transformed into energy. This is the fun bit. If we are all energy they why do some people more successful, happy and prosperous than others?
It is difficult to go for mental, emotional or spiritual transformation if your body is not well looked after or in deep pain.
Going to the above Roger Federa example, I wonder if was born in a really poor family in Ethiopia, would he have reached the same level of success in the world. Would he have been equally successful if was born in a farmer’s house in Dhaka. His name might have been Aftab Ali and he could be selling peanuts ( just saying, that the outcomes might have been different). Hence you have to really attribute the success to the family you are born in, your genetic makeup, financial capability that lays the foundation of enablement. You cannot change that however you can influence that with your hard work. Bill Gates made the most of time that was made available to him on the mainframe and rest is history. What he was able to demonstrate was his undying passion for what he wanted to achieve.
Your genetic makeup, the body you are given or your health and wellbeing at birth you have no control over. What was your exposure while you were in the womb, what were you fed, what sounds did you hear at that point in time continue to shape your destiny much later.
Physical transformation operates at multiple levels this includes how you carry yourself physically, how you look after the body, how you take care of your sensory system and even how you breathe. These are addressed below
Posture:
Poise:
Voice
Sight:
Food:
Well-Being;
Breathing:
Yoga:
It is intended to be an article that provides transformative knowledge. Yoga itself is a vast topic, so I will only cover the key aspects of it.
योग: चित्त-वृत्ति निरोध:
yogaś citta-vṛtti-nirodhaḥ
— Yoga Sutras 1.2
There are many definitions interpretations of the above definition of yoga.The simplest I would suggested is an integral path to eradication of all evils and ailments.
Consisting of eight components yoga consists of
Yama: ethical rules made up of ( non violence, truthfulness, not stealing, chastity/fidelity, non-posessivenes)
Niyama: routines virtuoos habits which are capable of putting the body on autopilot. Made up of purity of mind, speech and body, contentment, acceptance persistence perseverance, austerity, knowledge of self and reflection, introspection of thoughts, speech and action. Interestingly there is an exception on reflection of thoughts as much as the external speech and action. It is certain that there was knowledge about how thoughts can manifest. There was an expectation that one would contemplate on the aspect of supreme being.
Asanas: This is the most popular form that is generally known. worldwide. These are postures that can be held for a period of time. The book Hatha Yoga Pradipika mentions 84 asanas taught by lord Shiva mentions 84 asanas. Gheranda Samhita discusses 32 asanas, and Svatmarama discusses 15 asanas.
Pranayama: As a next step to asana’s it is regulation of breath. You can try and observe your temperament, happy angry whatever it is and if you notice your breath you will find that it will change based on the temperament you are in. Once you understand your temperament impacts breathing, your ability to control it will help you manage your temperament.
Pratyahara: A step for self extraction. It is a process of retracting from sensory experience. Sensory experience suggests we are controlled by external world . The step helps to seek self-knowledge and helps one to enjoy the unconstrained experience of one’s own inner world.
Dharana: Keeping laser sharp focus and concentration.
Dyana: Reflecting on what the focus is on. A non-judgemental observation. It is a flow of thought or awareness.
Samathi: State of meditation that helps one reach trance to lose ones own identity. Change is profound for one to transform.
Mental transformation : what you feed the mind - watching gory movies vs reading books Shifting the mindset is complex piece of the puzzle. How can one be positive when one is experiencing struggle, pain, challenges, negativity all around. Shifting the mind to think about the things one has to express gratitude for, is a signal to change our response or emotions. Philosophers and religions talked about gratitude since times immemorial
“A grateful mind is a great mind which eventually attracts to itself great things.’ - Plato
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, his love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:1 NIV)
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." - Buddha
In the holy Quran, the first chapter starts with ‘Alhamdulillah’ or “all praise is for God.” The word Alhamdulillah signifies gratitude in our everyday lives.
Equally Gratitude is the key value in Torah and essence
Emotional transformation: your relationship with self and others, empathy, compassion your sense of gratitude that is the seed for transformation.
Our physical bodies are well designed to deal with the most primitive stimuli - pain and pleasure. Pain or potential of pain (threat) can be real or be imaginary, causes us to respond in the form of fight, flight, fear or freeze. Chemically it releases adrenaline and cortisol. The interesting thing is that living in perceived state of threat can lead to a constant state of release of adrenaline and cortisol and that ca lead to an emotional state which can be emotionally draining. The problem is anyone who comes across a person living in this negative state is likely to be impacted and be equally influenced. So if you come across someone in such a negative state please ensure you demosntrate empathy and not sympathy as sympathy is likely to pull you down as well. Empathy, will let you be in that masterful state and observe the situation from a distant viewpoint and offer a constructive outcome.
Robert Waldinger his famous TED talk based on a study running over 75 years suggests that genuine meaningful relationships cause emotional connectedness and are responsible for our physical wellbeing, happiness and longevity.
Sometimes we get caught between our negative response to external events which do not go our way negative emotions impact our thinking and we can easily take a downward spiral. Much is talked about forgiveness and gratitude. These emotions help us to move on leaving the negativity behind.
Gratitude is acknowledging that the glass is half full, with the view to fill it. Enjoying the process along the way . Thinking that glass is half empty, prevents us to enjoy the journey. As there is no certainty at times on how long the journey will last or it will ever be complete the purpose of gratitude is to shift the focus from pain to pleasure. Running away from fear and pain motivate call to action in more people than moving them towards joy. Even in an extremely negative state the perspective of positivity in the form of gratitude can shift the cycle.
Tony Robbins, calls it success conditioning which means creating a belief to the finest detail that impacts one emotionally, psychologically and physically. It allows you to live the moment in your mind so that it becomes a part of you and you become the very success you have embodied.
Plutchik Emotions Diagrams
Spiritual journey: do you meditate? Your relationship with universe and energy that is unlimited. Meditation helps you make a connection. Look around you will find that all the supremely successful people on the planet were/are practitioners of some form of meditation. These include Oprah Winfry, EllenDeGeneres, Steve Jobs, Jane Fonda, George Lucas, Sting, Mick Jagger just to name a few. However you will agree that they all have been able to shape themselves and the world to a profound degree.
Vipassana and Transdential Meditation are the two techniques that I am aware of. As the research suggests and I have found that it reduces the levels of stress and anxiety to minuscule levels if done right. It gives heightened self awareness and our response to external world tends to become more anticipatory and proactive and less reactive.
The journey is simple once you “get” it. So you can find your own path or find someone who can help you on the path. Someone who is a few steps ahead of you and can navigate you.
Many of our us purely believe in effort for which more often than less the outcome is suboptimal. This requires someone holding up a mirror in our front. That is confronting though the best option. We need to become a better version of self every moment of our lifespan.
Chakra: When you hear about mediation, you will invariable come across the term chakra. These are energy centres in the human body. In certain texts these are also related to Maslov’s pyramid ( with a key difference that chakra’s extend you to connect to you purpose and connect to the universe and beyond) and endocrine system
You have a symbiotic relationship with the external environment. You can influence the inner and inner may have an impact on the external environment ( how you dress/present yourself, how you speak, what you learn and with feedback what you believe in ) , however we need to accept our limitation as a being and express gratitude of what we can influence and accept what we can’t.
The magic of gratitude is it gives provide you position which is not rock bottom, a paradigm that glass is half full. . It gives meaning and purpose to continue moving. Practicing gratitude in daily life will help you in your journey.
What religion tells us about gratitude:
What Philosophers talk about gratitude:
What research talks about gratitude
How to practice gratitude:
Keep a list of things that you want to express your thankfulness for
The above is copyrighted text. You are welcome to use it as long as you provide attribution and reference to any further use or any derivative products that you create from the above information.
Please treat this working document as my gift to you and if you would like to have a conversation, or if you think I may be able to help you in your journey, please drop me a note on sbabbar@sameerbabbar.com.
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